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A Very Creative Testimonial

By Steve Evert

Torn Paper Bottom Edge

We’ve received a lot of client testimonials over the years, but never one quite like this.

It was an email sent to a company by one of our clients – Daniel Doxey at International Translating Company. To protect the company Daniel was writing to, we’ll call it XYZ Inc.

Daniel forwarded the email to us as well. The subject line was ‘On Hold Time Remaining’ Announcement is Torture.

Can you relate to Daniel’s experience? Here’s the email he sent.


Hey there, XYZ Inc. I’m sending this feedback because [one of your] reps said people at this email address care. I care, otherwise, I wouldn’t waste my time with the following.

I was on hold [with your company] for 21 minutes this morning. In general, that’s not good. You should fix that. I know – easier said than done.

However, worse than that is that the voice announcing the remaining hold time was telling me how long I had to wait about every 15 seconds. Being told how long your wait is every 15 seconds is torture.

This summarizes my experience on hold.

You will be waiting 21 minutes. [Me: That sucks. But I have to talk to someone because our website that you host is down.]
Hey, just in case you forgot, your next 20 minutes are going to really suck.
Hey, there. I’m back. I know you’re trying to work on something else while you have this on speaker, but I wanted to let you know that the experience you are going to have with us today is really going to be bad.
I know I told you 15 seconds ago, but you’re still not even close to talking with someone.
Hey, I’m back. Same message. [Me: Why are they telling me this so often? It’s super annoying.]
I’m back to remind you that someone at XYZ Inc. didn’t schedule this customer service shift right. [Me: Okay, wait a second. How often are they doing this?]
Hey, I’m back with my sweet, chipper voice. Blah, blah, blah. [Me: That was about 15, maybe 20 seconds.]
Here again! Did you miss me? Big kiss from XYZ Inc. [Me: Okay. That was a little longer.]
Hey, there. I’m baaack, reminding you again. [Me: Wow. Back to 15 seconds.]
It’s me again. [Me: Okay, it’s confirmed. They have a setting that sounded like a good idea, but they should have listened to it themselves for 21 minutes.]
Yoohoooo! I’m back. [Me: I have never wanted hold music so badly. Universe, you win!]
Hey, there. Did you miss me? [Me: Very bad thoughts.]
We are Borg. Resistance is futile. [Me: Try to be professional when they answer.]
Strength is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. [Me: Try to be professional when they answer.]
Freedom is irrelevant. Self-determination is irrelevant. Resistance is futile. [Me: Try to be professional when they answer.]
Why do you resist? We only wish to raise the quality of life for all species. [Me: Try to be professional when they answer.]

If you’ve made it this far:

1) Fix the timing of your reminder!

2) Reduce your hold times!

3) Consider on hold messaging that makes people forget they’re on hold. Call this guy: Steve Evert at BusinessVoice – (800)473-9005 / Great company and excellent service.

4) Here are two samples of their work:

A) BusinessVoice’s Humor On Hold

B) Watch the videos I put together for our website using the on hold audio BusinessVoice created for us.

I did this in less time than I was on hold, but I am not sure it will make the world a better place. I hope you fix it.

Take care.