My iPhone is paying off already.
I had to cut open a man’s chest earlier today to perform emergency, on-the-street cardiac massage. Thank goodness for the iPhone’s laser scalpel feature. It made a quick, clean incision in the chest wall, allowing me to squeeze the man’s heart and restart his circulation. Minutes later, I was showing him digital pictures of my new boat.
The iPhone has proven handy in the kitchen as well. It dices and slices fresh produce with ease, presses garlic cloves, and makes more ice than a polar bear with a small bladder and a thing for ginger ale. Because my iPhone gives me Internet access and a nice selection of razor-sharp cleavers, I was able to watch the podcast of Sports Center while preparing a meal of fresh zebra steaks.
And the new iPhone offers so much more. It’s a taser, telescope, corkscrew and nail file. Its built-in NASCAR simulator is the best I’ve seen. It comes with a 64-color digital crayon and a sharpener in the back. It can even analyze your golf swing and tuck the kids in at night.
I guess it’s a phone too.
